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Happy Birthday Mom
I’ve always seen happiness as a privilege—something just out of reach for someone like me, someone who has only ever longed for safety. I spent a lifetime searching for protection because I grew up without it. But for the first time, I feel like I can want for more. I see now that happiness isn’t…
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A letter to a dying dog…
Dear Dog, You came into our lives already a few years old, carrying a story that Mom couldn’t resist. The family who had you needed to rehome you—a tiny, protective, and scared little dog—because they were adopting children. The moment Mom heard your story, she fell in love. I, on the other hand, was immediately…
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The toe incident
It was the night before mediation with my dad—a mediation over our mother’s estate. The middle of COVID had already dragged everything out for months, and now the weight of it was finally crashing down on me. My anxiety was suffocating, a constant buzz in the back of my mind that I couldn’t quiet. So,…
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Forest of grief
As I wander through grief—a forest you’re simply forced to live in—it feels as though there’s no clear path, just a constant attempt to find your way. In my own journey, I’ve tried to be there for friends who have lost parents, reaching out to them regularly. When someone so important dies, it can feel…
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Holiday
If you had asked me in 2017 what my favorite holiday was, I would have said Thanksgiving without hesitation. I loved being surrounded by family, giggling with my cousins, and cherishing those moments together. But if you ask me now, I’m not sure I have an answer. So much has changed—losses, finding out about our…
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It’s Thanksgiving and I am 44.
It’s thanksgiving. I am 44 years old. Today I did not go to my relative’s house because I have a cold. My fever 100 degrees. My day? I spent it sleeping off and, on the couch, drugged out of my mind with a joint and cold medicine. It is a gnarly pair, but it dulls…
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Love, Grief, and Finding Happiness 